to the team i love the most:
I guess today was a day all of us will never forget. Somehow it seemed to affect alot of people and it really hit me hard too. What happened on land and in the water was something that seemed to have happened before, but i guess many of us never really felt the full impact of it till now. But after what sze and suling has said, i guess i don't really have much else to add on already. Just a little bit more.
The past year spent with the team has been one of the most fulfilling journey's i've ever experienced. There have been highs and lows, pain and joy. Put simply, an emotional rollercoaster. But i enjoyed it nonetheless. And now we only have about 3 months left to national schools. Our time left as a team in NJ is running out. But we have to make the best of it. Rowing with all of you has been the most enjoyable and inspiring experiences in my life. It just seems that out on the water, when the whole team is there, rowing together was just an unforgettable experience. Especially during dragonboat races when all of us are pulling together as one.
But this is what we really have to remember. No matter how much emphasis is being place on securing the points for the nat schools title. The most important thing is that we all row for one another and that everyone of us is supporting one another all the way. The most important thing is that we are still one team. We may be individuals in different boats. But it's really like a dragonboat. In your own craft, its not just you or the two of you there. There are 70 people on the boat. Pulling alongside you. When you feel that you just want to give up, be it in training or during a race, just remember that no one is going to give up on you, so there is no reason to give up on yourself. 70 people will be there by your side. Remember, we row together as one team. We must never forget our roots. The values we were first taught by our seniors. The selflessness, the correct attitude that was being ingrained in us. There should be no individualism in the team. Only if you row for others, will you find that you are able to go so much further.
I know everyone in the team is giving their best right now. So like vic said today, its really the effort that counts the most. When everyone gives their best, there will no longer be disparities. Look at effort, not at the speed at which your boat can go at. Maybe if all of us just forget about the expectations for awhile, get back the feeling of pulling for the love of the team and the sport itself. Just to enjoy the pure ecstasy you get when you're in the water and there is nothing else troubling you. The pure joy of seeing your teammates pushing their limits and knowing that everyone is on par in terms of effort. That's what really matters i guess.
To my partner bernie and other 3 k2 boats, although we may not always be training together. And its usually bernie and me with jas and char, you're still part of my craft. And the very fact that you are my craftmates mean alot to me. Please remember to pull for one another and help each other along. Thats the most important thing now. We really have to train together and make sure no one gets left behind. I'm sorry if i'm not always able to help you when we are rowing in the water. But don't ever give up on yourselves. I know your desire to improve will surpass all the barriers and obstacles in your path. If you can't do it for yourselves, at least do it for your partner. They are the ones who share your pain, tears and joy in the boat. To jas and char, thanks for being great training partners. Your boat really motivates me to work harder. Promise we will work together and give our best in every training ok? And to bernie, i'm sorry if i haven't been good enough. I promise i will definitely give my best and i treasure every training we have together as it is a chance for us to work on our weaknesses. Please bear with me and thanks for putting up with me for so long.
Ok i guess this is all i have to say for now. I love all of you very much. You're the ones that make my stay in the team worthwhile. Thank you. Stick together. One team. One dream.
sabu
Saturday, April 28, 2007
To the sixteen of you;
After a few of you went up during debrief today, to point out how insensitive some of us have been, I went home to really think about this problem. I am really sorry cos I know im always one of those who push others to such an extent that I dont even know how they feel. Ive always thought that harsh methods work the best. Maybe it only applies to me.
To those of you whom ive let down,
Im really apologetic on what Ive done all along. Im in no position to question all of your hard work. Cos I know a lot of you put in much more effort than me in many aspects. I know you all have given your best in all the trngs, really.
About the juniors, its really great to see them improve so much over this short period of 4 months plus. You know it really makes me feels happy to see them mature in terms of attitude and also improve in their canoeing. It makes all the effort we've put in worthwhile. Personally, I dont like the idea of juniors catching up with me. This is because I think its jus not right. And I know all of you dont want that too cos you all know you've worked so much harder and longer than them. But sometimes, things jus dont work out that perfectly. Im really sorry to say that... but from now on, I believe that no matter what the boat speeds of you snr girls are, I will still respect you all. Cos the boat speeds dont mean anything to me alr. I think that what's most important is what you have put in in every of your strokes. It's the things that are going thru your mind when you are rowing. Who are you rowing for etc etc.
And jus to share with all of you, when I'm rowing, my whole mind is flooded with many thoughts (row for someone, something, somehow, somewhere). But actually I dont really know what exactly I'm thinking of. Everything is so messed up. Ironically, on those days when my mind is so focused thinking of a specific thing, I cannot perform. It sort of corresponds to what mr yong always says, when you anyhow anyhow, thats when ure at your best. I dont really know how true is that..
To my k1 girls,
It's really great trng with all three of you. All the trngs have been so tough but yet endurable (cos you all are around). Sometimes when I train with you girls, I can really feel myself trying to squeeze out energy from every single part of my body. From all my muscles to even my intestines.. thanks for always being so encouraging. I really love you all, dee nat su. Without you all, I wouldnt be typing all these, cos I would have alr died in one of those earlier trngs. Yupp thanks.
The main point of this entry is to tell you all that im sorry okays. I will wake up my idea from now on. If you all think I can ever help you all in any way, please tell me yeahhs cos I really want to help.
To all senior girls, thanks for always being there for me even though I'm such a bad girl. (:
sze
After a few of you went up during debrief today, to point out how insensitive some of us have been, I went home to really think about this problem. I am really sorry cos I know im always one of those who push others to such an extent that I dont even know how they feel. Ive always thought that harsh methods work the best. Maybe it only applies to me.
To those of you whom ive let down,
Im really apologetic on what Ive done all along. Im in no position to question all of your hard work. Cos I know a lot of you put in much more effort than me in many aspects. I know you all have given your best in all the trngs, really.
About the juniors, its really great to see them improve so much over this short period of 4 months plus. You know it really makes me feels happy to see them mature in terms of attitude and also improve in their canoeing. It makes all the effort we've put in worthwhile. Personally, I dont like the idea of juniors catching up with me. This is because I think its jus not right. And I know all of you dont want that too cos you all know you've worked so much harder and longer than them. But sometimes, things jus dont work out that perfectly. Im really sorry to say that... but from now on, I believe that no matter what the boat speeds of you snr girls are, I will still respect you all. Cos the boat speeds dont mean anything to me alr. I think that what's most important is what you have put in in every of your strokes. It's the things that are going thru your mind when you are rowing. Who are you rowing for etc etc.
And jus to share with all of you, when I'm rowing, my whole mind is flooded with many thoughts (row for someone, something, somehow, somewhere). But actually I dont really know what exactly I'm thinking of. Everything is so messed up. Ironically, on those days when my mind is so focused thinking of a specific thing, I cannot perform. It sort of corresponds to what mr yong always says, when you anyhow anyhow, thats when ure at your best. I dont really know how true is that..
To my k1 girls,
It's really great trng with all three of you. All the trngs have been so tough but yet endurable (cos you all are around). Sometimes when I train with you girls, I can really feel myself trying to squeeze out energy from every single part of my body. From all my muscles to even my intestines.. thanks for always being so encouraging. I really love you all, dee nat su. Without you all, I wouldnt be typing all these, cos I would have alr died in one of those earlier trngs. Yupp thanks.
The main point of this entry is to tell you all that im sorry okays. I will wake up my idea from now on. If you all think I can ever help you all in any way, please tell me yeahhs cos I really want to help.
To all senior girls, thanks for always being there for me even though I'm such a bad girl. (:
sze
To my beloved senior gals team
Hey girls...
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A lot has happened...not just in the past few weeks...but also in all the time we have ever known each other...about 13months now?...there has been joy,tears,anger,pride,compassion...but i guess we just lack teamwork. Of course,since we have 16 of us(yes sabu n charmaine are of coz counted!!!and i took the liberty of adding nat too... :] ...)...its not that easy...but i guess if we really want it, we can still be much more united then the present state...
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There has been much contraversy on the difference in strength in each and every single one of us.Difference in strength...not fast enough...too slow...no catch...Bah!Watever...i feel that we have been too caught up in the spirit of competitiveness, and that has led us to start pointing fingers at each other.I believe that there is no one,no one at all, not even 1%,that is not training hard for the team.If you don't see the self training,the thoughts in their minds,whether they are trying their best...you dont have the right to say they are not pushing hard enough.Its good that the junior gals are stronger and are catching up, but i somehow feel that it is wrong that we just keep encouraging the junior gals only..and in the process,neglecting our very own batch.Maybe im wrong...but thats what i observed recently...im also guilty of this...so i apologise to those that i have not helped.
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To me, this team is about effort,not talent.People with talent in this team will always be in front.Why?Simple...coz everyone puts in effort to their very best.This is what makes us strong overall.its very difficult, almost impossible for less talented people to catch up or even surpass other teammates...but do realise that i mentioned that the possibility is not zero.Remember in my previous post i mentioned believeing?i believe that i have the ability to defeat any opponent...as long as i can make myself believe that.but since thats what i think,it is only somewat like a fairy tale.Suling will never make it to the Olympics even if she believes 100% in being the best in the world...Yups...reality is harsh...but is'nt sports the field where we go against and defy reality,especially in this very team?
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I dont think that i am talented in canoeing or running...but i think that i am talented in my willpower.This is what i hope for each and everyone of us.When you are behind,its most difficult to keep up,let alone catch up.So what?Who cares?I dont give a damn...ill continue to pull...focus on the boats in front...i will catch up.i will catch up.i will catch up! i dont even tell myself not to give up,bcoz i know i wont...no point reminding myself of that.
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Do we let pple that train the hardest row or the fastest to row?This is the dilema we face every single race...even i dont have the answer.But i guess since the school has invested so much in us, we have the responsibility to give back what we have taken.We have to make sure that we are so strong overall that its ok even if everyone that deserves to row does so.Even if you are strong or not,if you want the best for the team,you just have to clench your teeth and whack.whack til you feel like dying,til you can give no more,til your body can no longer feel a thing.Here is how i noe if i have been whacking:when i feel like hell.Honestly,i could just take a visit to hell now and ill be like:oh training has been much tougher than this.
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Most importantly is your very own craft...Dee,Nat and Sze have been there for me every training.When one of them is not there,i feel a tinge of dissapointment.Sometimes,ill be really lousy and lag behind...sometimes they'll wait, somtimes they dont.When this happens,the negative me will be angry and frustrated...i admit...but when i see everyone in front,i just cant stand being the weakest.i'm not here to be the worst to make them wait for me.im much better than that.i can do much more...so somehow ill level up again...(mayb i really increased in speed or they waited for me...i dont know..)but its really been hell.when i row beside them, feeling them going through hell too,i feel really happy...and that somehow pulls me through the hell training...really,your craft is really impt...dont neglect them,or training will become meaningless.Sometimes they will shout Come on!its like the most used encouragement words...till some have become numb to it...but each time they say it,for them,for that breath that they used to try and help me,no matter how cliche the words are,i really appreciate it...and it gives me strength.We may not be the best in terms of results in National schools,but whacking with the 3 of you...it gives be hope,to believe that we can do it.
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Sorry...this entry was meant to help the girls senior team...but i ended up talking about k1s...but its bcoz i feel very much for this...and i hope all of you will be able to experience something like this...it really gives strength...not physically,but to row with your heart and soul...its the stuff that enables us to defy reality...to create miracles and believe.
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Su*
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Medical forms and jap songs(hey it rhymes!)
今晩わ！gd evening!
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Just filled in my medical declaration form...hmm...a very suspicious document...
-have you ever had eye problems/poor vision?myopia...duh?!cant you see the spectacles???!!!
-have you ever had ear problems/deafness?erm...partially deaf due to the blasting of jap songs from my ipod lol
-have you ever had nervous illness?before races yes
-have you ever had a carrier status for any infectious disease?yup...crazyness...its contagious...
-Do you require routine medication?of course!my trustee accelerade
-Do you require special diet?of course!MY hello panda...all MINE...MINEMINEMINE!!!
-Do you have any disability?ehhh...very poor at walking straigth:keep banging into walls...ouch*
-Do you have any other medical information to note,e.g. food,drug allergy?hmm...i would say hello panda without filling...urgh...bleah*
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wierd form...asking so many questions that are oblivious...sneaky organisers...so i decided not to oblige to the form...(i would probably fill up more than the box that says "if yes,please give details"...)...i answered "no" for all...
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oh...by the way,from now on this will be a space for....JAP SONGS appreciation...our very own enrichment week!hehee...but it will be every week!!!yay!Ahem...the song of the week is...*drumroll*(argh hit too hard the drum juz spoilt...nvrmind...)...「First Love」by Utada Hikaru (aka the sonf flo has been singing since last week...) its really very nice!(if you dun hear either me or flo sing it...)anyone interested juz get from me or flo!we promise not to sing...too much haha
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Su*
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Just filled in my medical declaration form...hmm...a very suspicious document...
-have you ever had eye problems/poor vision?myopia...duh?!cant you see the spectacles???!!!
-have you ever had ear problems/deafness?erm...partially deaf due to the blasting of jap songs from my ipod lol
-have you ever had nervous illness?before races yes
-have you ever had a carrier status for any infectious disease?yup...crazyness...its contagious...
-Do you require routine medication?of course!my trustee accelerade
-Do you require special diet?of course!MY hello panda...all MINE...MINEMINEMINE!!!
-Do you have any disability?ehhh...very poor at walking straigth:keep banging into walls...ouch*
-Do you have any other medical information to note,e.g. food,drug allergy?hmm...i would say hello panda without filling...urgh...bleah*
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wierd form...asking so many questions that are oblivious...sneaky organisers...so i decided not to oblige to the form...(i would probably fill up more than the box that says "if yes,please give details"...)...i answered "no" for all...
>
oh...by the way,from now on this will be a space for....JAP SONGS appreciation...our very own enrichment week!hehee...but it will be every week!!!yay!Ahem...the song of the week is...*drumroll*(argh hit too hard the drum juz spoilt...nvrmind...)...「First Love」by Utada Hikaru (aka the sonf flo has been singing since last week...) its really very nice!(if you dun hear either me or flo sing it...)anyone interested juz get from me or flo!we promise not to sing...too much haha
>
Su*
Monday, April 23, 2007
Cross country nationals
WAHAHA...ただいま！
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I'm back to wreck more havoc hehee...sori ive not been posting much...coz im computer-idiotic...so i couldnt get onto the blog without a google account haha...juz managed to decipher the wierdo symbols on the screen-[click here to create your google account!] and managed to get thru...yay!Lots of stuff have been happening...esp for me...but today about half my commitments have been lifted-cross country nationals and h3...i'm free!!!-or at least i'm 50% free!!!
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About cross country nationals...running not equals canoeing,but i thought i would share that running experience with all you pple...maybe it'll inspire you to run a faster 2.4km or 24marathons or something...18April2007-woke up feeling really really good(slept for 9+hours...snore*)came to school...thanx to all you great pple for wishing me luck...and also the occasional threats:you better run fast or else!If you dont win you die!(me:weak smilez*...heh heh...thanx...) but anyway...i was a little worried about the race...coz the previous race i didnt do so well...(started abit faster than usual...then halfway i sorta gaveup and slowed down...still dun get why i was so weak at tat time... >.<>
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i burst out...think its coz of all the sprinting in the water...high cycle higher cycle highest cycle!then i realised i was sorta leading...opps...guess thats the few moments in my life i was 1st in national schools cross country(for about 10m haha) so slow down abit...follow the pack....just keep to other pple pace...reach the slope...grrr....no sweat...one step by one step...stick to the person in front...thought of shien for a moment coz last year she ran the slope with me and gave me lots of encouragement...it helped.after the slope...its the horror area where your body starts to feel the lactic and your will starts to waver...but somehow,i didnt feel all that...in fact, i felt rather good...(i muz hav gone bonkers at that point)managed to estimate how many pple in frnt of me...bout 20...(i was aiming for the coveted top 20 spot)i have a chance!...somehow that cheered me on and gave me a glimmer of hope...all i needed to do was not to give up and finish the race...simple enough?nope...suling is a greedy girl...
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Who cares who or what was in front of me...i just ran and ran...1.aim for the person in front...2.catch...3.overtake...4.pull away-make the person think:"hoo is this crazy idiot?let her be...i'll catch up 'later' "ok...i juz kept repeating steps 1-4...usually about 3quarters of the way ill start to tire out again...then ill think of friends to keep me going...but i think that day i was so focused on steps 1-4 that i sorta totally forgot to think about all of you... >.<>
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Some people say im super fast...but its not true...i feel that long d running is more than style or talent...mental really played a role...if i had not suffered and gone thru so much grueling training with our canoeing team, i doubt that i could have convinced myself that i was
NOT TIRED during the race...of course...i would like to thank the cross country team...MrIrwan(for the 3km timetrial which is the most excruciating run in my life) and MrLim.And most most most of all...all those that have wished me well,or wanted to wish me well but didnt have the chance to,or wanted to wish me well but it came out as"you better win or DIE!!"(even though i didnt think of you pple during the race,b4 the race it helped me a lot...giving me more courage and one more reason why i must not and could not giveup....) In conclusion(urgh...i thought these 2 words only appear in econs essays haha)one theory ive come up is...if you believe,miracles (no matter how impossible) do come true...but the more impossible thing is believeing,not the miracle. Its really hard to make yourself believe that you can do so much more...to force your body to listen to your mind instead of the other way around...i guess pple around me(yes...you...)that give me support,believeing in me,hoping for the best for me...play a great part in making me do the almost impossible...believeing.
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Hmm...ive not figured how to operate the czup blog yet...so i guess ill still be renting this place for my thoughts and non-thoughts...until next time...またね！
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Su*
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