Hey girls...
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A lot has happened...not just in the past few weeks...but also in all the time we have ever known each other...about 13months now?...there has been joy,tears,anger,pride,compassion...but i guess we just lack teamwork. Of course,since we have 16 of us(yes sabu n charmaine are of coz counted!!!and i took the liberty of adding nat too... :] ...)...its not that easy...but i guess if we really want it, we can still be much more united then the present state...
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There has been much contraversy on the difference in strength in each and every single one of us.Difference in strength...not fast enough...too slow...no catch...Bah!Watever...i feel that we have been too caught up in the spirit of competitiveness, and that has led us to start pointing fingers at each other.I believe that there is no one,no one at all, not even 1%,that is not training hard for the team.If you don't see the self training,the thoughts in their minds,whether they are trying their best...you dont have the right to say they are not pushing hard enough.Its good that the junior gals are stronger and are catching up, but i somehow feel that it is wrong that we just keep encouraging the junior gals only..and in the process,neglecting our very own batch.Maybe im wrong...but thats what i observed recently...im also guilty of this...so i apologise to those that i have not helped.
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To me, this team is about effort,not talent.People with talent in this team will always be in front.Why?Simple...coz everyone puts in effort to their very best.This is what makes us strong overall.its very difficult, almost impossible for less talented people to catch up or even surpass other teammates...but do realise that i mentioned that the possibility is not zero.Remember in my previous post i mentioned believeing?i believe that i have the ability to defeat any opponent...as long as i can make myself believe that.but since thats what i think,it is only somewat like a fairy tale.Suling will never make it to the Olympics even if she believes 100% in being the best in the world...Yups...reality is harsh...but is'nt sports the field where we go against and defy reality,especially in this very team?
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I dont think that i am talented in canoeing or running...but i think that i am talented in my willpower.This is what i hope for each and everyone of us.When you are behind,its most difficult to keep up,let alone catch up.So what?Who cares?I dont give a damn...ill continue to pull...focus on the boats in front...i will catch up.i will catch up.i will catch up! i dont even tell myself not to give up,bcoz i know i wont...no point reminding myself of that.
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Do we let pple that train the hardest row or the fastest to row?This is the dilema we face every single race...even i dont have the answer.But i guess since the school has invested so much in us, we have the responsibility to give back what we have taken.We have to make sure that we are so strong overall that its ok even if everyone that deserves to row does so.Even if you are strong or not,if you want the best for the team,you just have to clench your teeth and whack.whack til you feel like dying,til you can give no more,til your body can no longer feel a thing.Here is how i noe if i have been whacking:when i feel like hell.Honestly,i could just take a visit to hell now and ill be like:oh training has been much tougher than this.
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Most importantly is your very own craft...Dee,Nat and Sze have been there for me every training.When one of them is not there,i feel a tinge of dissapointment.Sometimes,ill be really lousy and lag behind...sometimes they'll wait, somtimes they dont.When this happens,the negative me will be angry and frustrated...i admit...but when i see everyone in front,i just cant stand being the weakest.i'm not here to be the worst to make them wait for me.im much better than that.i can do much more...so somehow ill level up again...(mayb i really increased in speed or they waited for me...i dont know..)but its really been hell.when i row beside them, feeling them going through hell too,i feel really happy...and that somehow pulls me through the hell training...really,your craft is really impt...dont neglect them,or training will become meaningless.Sometimes they will shout Come on!its like the most used encouragement words...till some have become numb to it...but each time they say it,for them,for that breath that they used to try and help me,no matter how cliche the words are,i really appreciate it...and it gives me strength.We may not be the best in terms of results in National schools,but whacking with the 3 of you...it gives be hope,to believe that we can do it.
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Sorry...this entry was meant to help the girls senior team...but i ended up talking about k1s...but its bcoz i feel very much for this...and i hope all of you will be able to experience something like this...it really gives strength...not physically,but to row with your heart and soul...its the stuff that enables us to defy reality...to create miracles and believe.
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Su*